'If you don't have a house or a car, don't get married. If you can't provide for your children, don't have children.'

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Many couples today choose to postpone marriage and having children not because of lack of love, but because they feel they are not strong enough to face the pressure of making a living.

Love for a long time but dare not marry

"If you don't have a house or a car, don't get married", "If you can't provide for your child properly, don't have children, it's a sin". These are familiar sayings, often found in groups and forums of young people in urban areas today.

They are not afraid to love, not afraid to get married, but are confused by the question: Are they qualified to become parents?

And when they choose to live differently, slow down, or choose not to have children, is society being too harsh, judging those very private choices?

Ha My (29 years old, a designer in Ho Chi Minh City) and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, from when they were students until they had stable jobs. But marriage is still a plan.

"We still love each other, but we don't have a house yet, and we don't have enough savings to hold a wedding. We're still renting, and after getting married, we have to worry about a hundred things: children, tuition, expenses... Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm not getting anywhere" - My shared.

She added that just imagining a simple wedding, renting a dress, organizing a party, inviting relatives from both sides, and then dealing with accommodation and work is tiring.

"It's not that I don't want to get married, but I feel like I don't have enough to start. Everything is just a mess," she sighed.

My’s story is not uncommon. In many big cities, many young people, despite having long-lasting love, still hesitate before marriage, not because of lack of determination, but because they do not dare to promise anything when they still have many unfinished worries.

As for Mr. Hung (30 years old, office worker in Hanoi ), he looks at marriage with eyes that have changed color over time.

When he first graduated, he was very optimistic and dreamed of a cozy little family with the sound of children babbling. But after a few years of living alone, moving from one place to another, struggling to pay for electricity, water, and other expenses, he gradually realized that things were not simple.

"Living alone, a small, unfurnished room is fine. But if you have a wife and children, you have to live in a better, more spacious, and safer place. But if you buy a house, you have to borrow money. If you work for a salary, you will be in debt until you are 40-50 years old. During that time, if you lose your job, get sick... what will the whole family do?" - he said sadly.

Not stopping at money, Hung also worries further: "If I have children, I'm afraid I won't be calm enough to support my wife and children, and it will become more pressure."

If given the choice again, I would only dare to have one child.

Not only marriage, but also having children has become a big concern for many young couples. Although they love children, they feel they are not strong enough to take on more.

Like Nhat Huy (33 years old, IT staff) and his wife, after calculating the cost of raising their child from tuition, food, extracurricular activities, healthcare , insurance... they both sat silently and clicked their tongues: postpone.

They face specific questions: "Where will the money come from to raise the children?", "Who will look after the children when both of them go to work?", "What if the children are deprived or disadvantaged?".

Ms. Thu (28 years old, administrative staff in Da Nang ) has never found raising children easy.

"All my friends let their children learn bilingual, learn to draw, and learn to play musical instruments from kindergarten. I'm afraid I don't have enough conditions, so I can't let my child fail from the beginning" - she said.

Or like the case of Ms. Nhi (32 years old, office worker in Ho Chi Minh City): Both husband and wife work office hours, grandparents live far away and cannot help. The school does not have boarding facilities, so they have to take them to and from school four times a day. On days when he works overtime, her husband does not come home until 10pm. If they had to choose again, they would only have one child to take care of them properly./.

According to Tuoi Tre Newspaper

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/khong-nha-khong-xe-thi-dung-cuoi-khong-lo-cho-con-day-du-thi-dung-de-20250730180055553.htm

Source: https://baolongan.vn/khong-nha-khong-xe-thi-dung-cuoi-khong-lo-cho-con-day-du-thi-dung-de-a200424.html