Parents in conflict: The pain belongs to the child

When family matters become public matters

The story of the child of male singer J. and actress TA attracted the attention of the online community, even though it has been 4 years since this information appeared. Accordingly, the actress said that she had a child with J., but did not receive his attention and companionship as a father. In addition, she said that he only provided a few million VND per month, and some months, none. On the contrary, from the male singer's side, he affirmed that he was always responsible for his child, but the child's mother did not create opportunities for him.

The story became noisy because of the way both sides chose to openly criticize each other on social media and even brought the child's identity and image into the dispute. As a result, many people freely shared and expressed their feelings, such as "analyzing" how the child's facial features resembled the father, how the mother, and even some malicious people compared them to this person and that person...

Next, technology was used to put the child's face into entertaining images at will, widely used as a way to express humor. This story gradually became a joke, appearing everywhere on social networks. The child gradually grew up under the surveillance of the online community, everyone wanted to update the latest images, but not because of affection, but to mock.

The noise reached its peak when the male singer recently made public all the transactions between himself and the child's mother, and at the same time sent a message to the child every time he went to school. At this time, many people realized that the child who was once the center of ridicule was now preparing to be an elementary school student. Many people, from social networks to relatives and teachers, could not help but worry, wondering if the child understood what had happened to him during his childhood, what people thought of him, why there were always people following him...

Pain that lasts a lifetime

In the debate about the consequences of family conflicts affecting children, Ms. NBS (former reporter for TN newspaper) shared her case: “After the divorce, my ex-husband and I had a financial dispute. To put pressure on him, my ex-husband went to school to pick up our child, even though the court ruled that I had custody of the child. Because she had been warned in advance, the teacher did not agree and informed me. The noisy dispute that day had a serious impact on my child, even though he was only in first grade. I had to transfer him to another school, and it has been 3 years, but the trauma of that incident still has a negative impact on my child.”

Psychologist Phan Thi Thuy, who has many years of experience in family and marriage counseling, said that the breakdown of parents' marriages is always one of the main causes of psychological abnormalities in children, lasting until adulthood. One of the most common manifestations is a closed mentality, afraid of communication, formed due to the conflict between parents, children feel the living environment is unstable, leading to anxiety, fear of change.

“The psychological consequences of an unhappy parent’s past have a very long-term impact. Some people gradually lose faith in love or marriage, which can easily lead to them not being able to maintain their own happiness. There are cases where children think they are the reason their parents are in discord or break up, leading to the feeling of “being redundant” or “not good enough” and gradually losing faith in life,” Dr. Phan Thi Thuy added.

Social concepts have changed a lot, the inability to live happily together, choosing to “go our separate ways” is no longer unusual in life. However, how to limit the negative consequences for children when parents break up is still difficult. Many parents even drag their children into the “war” of adults.

As in a recent family TV show, there was a story about a case where, upon learning that the woman was pregnant, the baby's father left and refused to take responsibility. The baby was born in the anger of the mother's family and they named the baby Nguyen Thu Han. Luckily, the civil status officer intentionally wrote the wrong accent as Nguyen Thu Han and as the person involved admitted, although he did not know who that officer was, to him, now a grown man, that person was like a reincarnation.

In the family, children are weak and vulnerable. After all, the struggle between adults, no matter who wins or loses, for children is only a lifelong pain.

Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/cha-me-xung-dot-noi-dau-thuoc-ve-con-post809884.html